on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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