Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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