I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Holy sore nipples Batman
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
