what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
