So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Randomize
