I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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