worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
