She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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