He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
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