What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize