Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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