I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
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