I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
