I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
