3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
