and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
