She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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