I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
