so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
