I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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