i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
