You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I got inside last night via doggy door
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
