I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
