nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He's a Shit stain on my heart
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
