he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
