I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
She just used a chaser for red wine.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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