Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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