I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize