I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
