I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
