I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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