i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
