Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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