I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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