I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I can't put those talents on a resume
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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