Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
