I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
