also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
