I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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