pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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