no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
