I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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