I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
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