Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
