Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize