I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
