There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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