Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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