Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
