no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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