that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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