I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
