Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
