I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
