Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
