she looked like the before picture.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
