Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
