Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
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