you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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