Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Randomize
