so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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