i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
No subtext here. People are naked.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize