If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
