I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
