Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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