How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
