I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
