Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just forgot I was standing up.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
