I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize