you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
