Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
