MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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